Brief review

Not sure just how well I'm blooming where I'm planted on the whole.

I'm managing to keep up the washing up most of the time (not all of the time) and I've always managed to just about keep up with the clothes etc washing but continue to fail to keep up with the folding and putting away part of that so at the moment my entire backroom downstairs is dedicated to an ever ascending mountain of clean unironed unput away clothes and bedding, towels etc.

I'm watering the basil plants, so they haven't died yet, and I'm watering the beautiful begonia ? that Kate gave me (thanks Kate, it's still blooming and looking beautiful).

As to development it's simply not happening. I'm not even managing full maintenance. I haven't hoovered for over a week; I haven't washed the floors for over a week; I've failed to keep deadlines for things I've offered to do for associates and colleagues and even my computer has been militating against me, freezing up on me just as I'm desperate to send out a press release to Terry Grimley and also just as I'm supposed to have left the house to watch my youngest daughter perform on the catwalk at the Fashion Design Show at the Artrix in Bromsgrove.

Inkberrow Design Centre is a fabulous centre for fashion and textile design education, no doubt about it; all the kids did brilliantly, it was difficult for me to be confident of my opinion that Amelia stood out from the crowd for her 'attitude', her 'stage presence' and her statuesque form - since I'm her mother I can't promise myself to be objective however hard I try to be and however keenly I am aware that 'objectivity' isn't necessarily a value to strive for..

Speaking of which - on Thursday evening at the Artrix I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen or heard from for at least five years or more - Mike McGrath. We only ever met a few times first in 2002 when I was a bit off my trolley and then again in 2003-4 when he was just a little keen to get back the glasses I'd borrowed off him one evening in 2002. For some reason we really 'clicked' back then and the minute we saw each other again it was clear we are still 'clicking' -

SERENDIPITY is an amazing thing. As my life and my very self have finally been integrating and building back up in a positive way people from my past who I'd be glad to find in the present and future have almost magically begun to reappear. And others who haven't reappeared are clearly not meant to. One or two appear and then the effort to communicate rapidly indicates little by way of reason to keep talking yet the good will is exchanged and that counts for plenty in both directions I hope.

Meanwhile though I've cleared a couple of fear erected hurdles last week, made a phone call and written an email that have been generating anxiety and procrastination, and that is a big plus.

Nevertheless MissionMiraculus seems to be developing more slowly than it 'should' be, my tendency to want to think things through and visualise and enlarge and colour in ideas and so on are holding back the de facto establishment of an income generating concern and a hands on awareness and recovery programme of presentations, work shops and healing projects.

It IS making progress and patience has never been my strong suit so it's important not to get the cat o 9 tails out. Still we're 2 weeks past the deadline I set for registering our company and launching it and this is now very much on my mind...

Domestic conflict continues to beset us at home, the heritage of the 'wilderness years' in my life, the years of depression and self loathing, the years of occasional eruptions of bizarre and highly agitated and disturbed, distressed behaviour that in some degree the children were witness to at least at a background level, is such that they cannot view me with confidence or any huge respect.

Not least because I have never developed capacity to respect myself highly enough. Help by way of 'talk therapy' is at hand, however, not from therapists, who I can't afford, but by way of friends and my 'support worker' Mike Lewington who is worth his weight in gold. Because he values authenticity above script and doesn't insult anyone's intelligence. We need him in MissionMiraculus and we'll work toward a budget that may attract him away from 'nhs provided services' into our 'MM provided recovery project initiatives'.

I could say more but this is already quite long. I need to get on with some time wasting, after all it is saturday...